1. Thou shall not marry a boy. A boy will complain that you don’t have a banging body. Even after you have dropped 4 kids.
2. Thou shall make your own money. As a wife with wifely duties, you deserve a Zaddy Wey Dey Pamper. Your husband’s money shall be referred to as “our money”.
3. Thou shall be clean and take personal hygiene as a serious issue. Don’t have a smelling hole and ask your husband to dip his tongue in there. Pity someone’s son. One day, your son too will get married.
4. Thou shall not say NO to helicopter style. Marry a man you are sexually attracted to. A man that makes you wet. Sex is carnal. Speaking in tongues may not do this for you.
5. Thou shall not continue in a marriage that has a cheating man. One day either the side chicks will kill you. Or your husband will come home with a disease that will be a cup of tea for you.
6. Thou shall not sacrifice your dreams for any man or kids. Go into the marriage with your personal development plan, set goals, dreams, and all. Tell your husband before marriage, “I will develop wings, I will fly, my wings will not be pegged”.
7. Thou shall not sponsor a man for marriage’s sake. You shall not be the buyer of the wedding ring. You shall not be the sponsor of the wedding. You shall not be that desperate. At best you shall have a wedding the man can afford.
8. Thou shall not marry a man without a roof of his own. Or a job of his own. If you are not marrying a man that will be your breadwinner. Let him at least be a bringer of butter. Assuming you have the bread.
9. Thou shall never tell your husband about your body count or the size of any of your ex’s organs. Thou shall not discuss the knacking details of your past. No matter how safe your man says it is. Even if he demands it. Do not speak about it.
10. Thou shall not expose your man to temptation. Your man likes big butt. You know. Yet your big-butt friends have turned your house into their second home. You leave them with your husband to work. Auntie, your generosity will be rewarded bountifully. But what I won’t like is when you ask “Why?” or when you say, “After everything I have done for you. Is this how you repay me?”
11. Thou shall not forget to wish Simi a happy birthday on the 19th of April. She will be 35 years.
12. If you marry Ediale. Thou shall not say you don’t know his Spiritual Wife is Simi.
Your Helicopter spotter Ediale #ForTheCulture
PS: Thou shall not marry any of these people saying the wife is not part of the family. They are baboons, they live in the zoo, zazoooooo.