Dear Tacha: I’ve got questions on my chest

Dear News Maker

Dear Tacha,

I am on your street. I came to see a friend. Can I come later when I am done with my friend? Some questions are on my chest for you.

I want to lift the questions from my chest and place it on your chest. I hope you will be okay with this. Hope I can reach your chest?

I have seen you in action. I don’t want the slap of fire. So I am asking in a very polite manner. If we see, can I drop the questions on your chest?

Is your chest large enough for the questions? As the social media editor. I was drawn to a particular debate online. Good thing, all the people involved in the social squabble were all ladies. And you, the subject of the matter is also a lady.

One lady felt your chest is wrongly exposed in the way you persistently expose them. And some said it your fashion style and statement. Others rebuked the lady for daring to bring you out like that.

I didn’t say anything. But I don’t really know why the ladies are bothering themselves? Cos, you that made the social media statement knew exactly what you were gunning for.

My golden rule remains. Once it is out on public space and platform. It is subject to the public’s appreciation. And as a literature student, appreciation can always be for or against.

But that is how the cookie crumbled. This is 2020, in many parts of the world. People don’t bother if you dress naked. But in Nigeria, you can’t blame us. We are not really in 2020 in terms of development and civilization.

Our leaders stole that privilege. They took away our roads, bridges, power supply and other social infrastructure slash amenities. So there…

So now that we know that your chest can still accommodate my questions. I will come in tomorrow, to drop my questions there.

I want to drop just two questions there. I will also like to eat your home-cooked food. I want to see you cooking. So I will be there early. I would love to know what you wear to cook as well.

I am sure you dress very naked while cooking. I will bring a bottle of wine. Let’s eat and drink to life. Let’s celebrate the nonexistence of Coronavirus in Lagos.

Alas, the Italian didn’t have the virus. We are safe. So the news says. And I am beginning to have ideas. They say we are ready and prepared for the Virus. The beds and welfare budgets are just there unused.

I am thinking of going there to tell them I have ass pain. That budget shouldn’t be wasted just like that. And those doctors too will be happy to give me a great body massage. To show that they worked and earned their salaries.

See life! Four doctors on my left ass, another four on my right.

We can both go to the Yaba Medical center. I figure we will even get better treatment once they see it’s a celebrity.

Your Idea spotter,

PS: Truth is I am unmoved by some things these days. Maybe it’s maturity. I no send if a girl exposes all her body parts. I just want to know when she is getting naked. That’s the most fun part. All these teasing no dey work again for me.

Leave a Reply