Dear Biggie: Mercy will use your money to buy breasts

Ayeesha's Attention

Dear Biggie,

Can I have your attention?

How is life after Tacha’s disqualification?

I am sure you have peace of mind now.

(That’s actually Ediale talking there).

But…

Come first let us reason this thing.

Who do you want to give this money?

If you give Mike 60 million, he will go right back to the U.K. and make Airreys bigger. He is a non Nigerian athlete anyway. All our sponsors’sweat will go to our former slave drivers. Biko consider the labour of our heroes past.

If you give it to Mercy, she’ll do her boobs and buy enough outfits to pepper Instagram until the end of time.

If you give it to Diane, she’ll become a dark skinned Toke Makinwa. She’s a self acclaimed baby girl for life. It’s not a bad thing o, but… you can do better. I trust you sef.

If you give it to Seyi, his already high shoulders will never come down again. Infact, he will add shoulder pads to all his clothes. The entire country will be reduced to an anthill. Biggie dakun. He’s a star already. He doesn’t need it.

If you give it to Omashola, he will fly to Germany in search of that his ex and wife her. And he will begin his life at 40, and they will live happily ever after. That is true love. God is love. This would be nice. Nothing against it but I’m biased.

If you give it to Ike, Mercy will just twerk and collect the thing. And that will be the end of it. Might as well have let Mercy have it.

If you give it to Elo, which I’m pretty sure you will never consider, I’m sure it’ll go to good use, but he hasn’t given you enough reason to consider him, has he?

I don’t think you’ve considered it o, but if you give it to Frodd, the entire constellation will be pleased. Big Brother, gangan a so! Nigeria’s economy will improve. All your sponsors will be begging you to coman collect money for the next ten years. Favour from heaven will follow you the way it follows Frodd. Shebi it is one bungalow you have now. O ma ko skyscraper laipe!

Lemme not talk too much. Just consider it.

Your Frodd spotter,
Ayeesha

#ForTheCulture

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