Dear Conte: Your chances, your movie, your fire

Yours Footbally

Dear Conte,

I write from Jersey Number Twelve headquarters. Trust you are giving quality time to your strategies on how to beat the club of clubs—Barca.

I’d quickly let you know this before I delve into other matters, you stand no chance against the Spanish side. They breathe fire and brimstone. And to really deal with Barca you will need three players on Leo Messi and two players on Jordi Alba .

If you can solve that puzzle, you’ll carry the day. Otherwise, you’ll be beaten. And that’s that.

Unto other issues, I’m sorry I started this letter on such a note. If you will forgive me I’d like us to meet somewhere and talk about that movie in the offing.

Yes, I know a filmmaker is putting a flick together about you and Chelsea. I hear he’s already filming at Stamford Bridge.

We need to talk about bringing the movie to Nigeria cinema and how we can ensure it’s a successful hit.

To start with ensure a Nigerian character is represented in the movie. We’ve had some Nigerians in Chelsea and we still do.

If the director finds away to tell a Mikel Obi story along the plot. It will be awesome. And the sales will go to Chelsea’s favor.

The other thing I want us to discuss as well are your excesses:

— You are currently being fried right now because you messed up with Diego Costa. The gamble isn’t going too well as Morata has remained wasteful in front of goal post.

— I know you want to win everything, but how can you do that with Pep Guardiola fully in town? Instead of fighting the Spaniard why are you wasting your focus on José Mourinho ?

— I read somewhere that you like listening to Terry G music before your matches. Is that why you go mad when your team score? Anyways the madness has reduced lately. Take it easy sha, even Terry G has amended his madness.

Extend my greetings to wifey, Mrs Conte Elisabetta. And although it’s an open secrete that Ediale needs a wife, I am scared of placing your daughter, Vittoria, in that list of great ladies running for the post of Mrs. Ediale.

I like to avoid the venom of an Italian. But if the father thinks the daughter must obtain the form, who am I to reject.

If you make this move and get the form for your daughter. Have it at the back of your mind that I will not be scared to prevent you from being the coach of our home. Once we are married, you loose your control.

After all, Elisabetta’s father didn’t do anything to you when you cohabited with her daughter for 15 years before marrying her in June 2013.

I hear you are living Chelsea at the end of the season. To where?

Please you may come to Real Madrid. Go there and strengthen the El Clasico competition again. Otherwise go to PSG and screw sense into Neymar’s head.

How can they be paying the Brazilian that kind of money and he is childishly fuming at every bit of unwanted air coming at him. Go and give him the Diego Costa treatment. But try not to send him SMS. No more SMS.

Or go to Atletico Madrid…you are not too different from Diego Simeone.

Whatever you do, I will always send you letters. Do good to always reply. Keep fighting.

Yours Footbally,


PS: I see you winning in tonight’s EFL match. Over 2.5. 15mins Draw. So do well to help my bet ticket! We will always love you for helping Victor Mosesrebrand in his Chelsea career.

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